New CDC Guidelines Lead to Fines for Shaking Hands

Fear of a second coronavirus wave has prompted the Centers for Disease Control (CDC) to issue new guidelines in an effort quell outbreaks.

In a twelve page report released Friday, the CDC outlined the dangers of hand to hand contact.

“We first issued handshake warnings back in March,” said CDC Director Robert R. Redfield. “But the public has not heeded these warnings, so we have taken a more drastic approach.”

The new guidelines ask the public to replace the traditional greeting of shaking hands with a wink and a nod. “Wink greetings may be punctuated by making a double clicking sound from the side of your mouth,” the report states.

In response to the new personal greeting guidelines, several states are taking action. In California, Governor Gavin Newsom says he will be issuing an executive order that formally bans the practice of hand shaking as a greeting. “We must do all we can to stop the spread of COVID-19,” he said at a Friday briefing. “Effective June 22nd, I will be ordering law enforcement to be on the lookout for those ignoring my orders.”

Newsom says anyone who continues to press the flesh will be subject to a three hundred dollar fine. Several other states, including Michigan, New York, and Massachusetts say they will follow suit.