Study: Less Attractive People Thriving in Face Mask Era, Pretty People Irked

A new study reveals aesthetically challenged people are happier and achieving more now that much of the country is covering their faces.

“I was never able to get girls to give me their phone numbers,” said Josh Pickering, who claims he’s always been told he had nice eyes. “Girls just didn’t find me attractive, but now all they see are my baby blues and just assume the rest is just as good.”

The study, conducted by John Walker University, shows employment among the less attractive is on the rise, too.

“Employers have typically been hesitant to hire ugly people to represent their businesses, even though more attractive people are usually awful workers,” lead researcher Bill Myers said. “Slapping a mask over a sea of acne scars has resulted in more production and better customer service across the board.”

As well as protecting people from the new coronavirus, Myers says the masks add a layer of self confidence to people who were previously shunned by society.

But not everyone is happy about this new trend. Karen Sheffield says masks are having a dampening affect on her way of life.

“Before covid happened, I was able to get whatever I wanted due to my amazing looks,” she said. “Now that nobody can see my beauty, it’s like I’m just one of the crowd.”

Sheffield says she will start making up for the shift by revealing more of her supple breasts.